


What was there and what you have

by TheonlyDan



Category: Adore (2013)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-24
Updated: 2018-07-24
Packaged: 2019-06-15 17:17:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,479
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15417756
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheonlyDan/pseuds/TheonlyDan
Summary: They just seek refuge in the wrong place.They weren't from this world; their love was not from this world; they were too unique for this world.





	What was there and what you have

**Author's Note:**

> So......I stumbled upon this movie, and I really like it.  
> It's beautifully shot and the pace wasn't too slow(cough......Robin Wright......cough).  
> Hope you all enjoy this!!!

Lil’s POV

 

  Was it a toxic relationship?

Not anymore, Lil supposed.

Not after she fell for her best friend’s son and she knew.

The addictive feeling of love and adoration.

She had a taste of heaven, and then she went to hell willingly.

 

Maybe she was alone for too long; maybe there was always something between Tom and her that just needed a little push or incentive to show.

 

At first, she was angry.

She felt like Roz, her best friend since childhood had betrayed her.

By sleeping with her own son.

 

But Lil was surprised not only by Roz and Ian, but also her own reaction.

She thought she would be repulsed, disgusted or devastated.

Instead, there were only hurt, loneliness and emptiness.

Not anymore, she smiled contently and brushed the hair out of Tom’s eyes.

Before the sun rose, she could watch him, asleep and peaceful, as long as she wanted.

***

Nothing lasts forever; she thought she’d be crystal clear about it, but again, she was hurt like a fool.

 

She had had it coming; it still cut deep like nothing else.

Tom was so young; he had so many opportunities and years and youth ahead of him, and she couldn’t take that away.

 

This time, she wouldn’t be the selfish one.

She gave Tom and Mary the most sincere blessings; watch them exchange their vows and rings on the wedding.

 

She was not jealous.

She was only heartbroken.

***

Since they were girls, Lil was always the weaker one.

If there was a fight, Roz was the one to shield her behind her back, and gotten beat up by the boys for her.

If there was a lie, Roz would tell for Lil but Lil wouldn’t do it for her, because she was always the bad liar.

 

So, she was obviously too easily tempted.

 

The affair happened when Mary was away, and Tom was missing their history together.

And they fucked again.

 

She felt disgusted and used afterward, unlike the sweetness and excitement she felt back then.

But fuck it anyway; she was free, and she could do whatever she wanted.

But was she really free?

***

And Roz had protected her again.

This time, she somehow cut the strings and saved all of them from a messy predicament.

Or, Ian did it for her.

 

But it didn’t matter; things were less complicated now.

 

Roz’s POV

 

She was happy.

Or, that was what she had told herself.

A mantra that had been repeated again and again: having sex with her husband, saying the three empty words to each other every night, pretending that she was in love.

I’m happy, I’m happy, I’m so fucking happy.

 

Am I?

One day she had dared to question herself was the day she shared a cigarette with Ian.

She remembered: the sun was brighter than usual, the air was hotter than usual, and the smile on her face was more genuine than usual.

Ian looked more beautiful than usual.

 

He was like a Greek god, walking on Earth as if no one could stop him to do whatever he wanted or play with anything he liked.

 

And their shared looks just couldn’t contain the fire anymore.

 

The night he took the first move and kissed her, Roz finally found what she seemed to be lacking.

The passion and adoration.

***

They were so happy, but things got to change.

She watched her own friend being torn by her own son in the most painful way, and she couldn’t stop the reality from happening.

So, she decided to be the truth and put out the fire between Ian and herself.

She needed to be cruel and realistic to her young lover, even if it would break him or pushed him to a path that he couldn’t turn back.

 

Of course, she did it in the end anyway. As manipulative as it seemed, it was for the greater future of them.

***

She had enraged Ian to speaking the unspoken and the wives had fled with their daughters.

It all seemed unreal somehow, not like the movies but surreal enough to made her ponder.

Passion and pain; torture and ecstasy; safety and danger.

Which one was she addicted to?

 

Now, she only got Lil, because nothing else was reliable.

***

***

After their final stay by the beach, the boys took off.

Tom went to Sydney to pursue his own career in theater and directing, while Ian went to Melbourne.

He didn’t say what he was going to do there; but he promised Roz that he would call her as soon as he figured out what he really wanted.

 

Now, Roz only got Lil, and Lil only got Roz.

The day was still the same, only everything was different.

***

They lay down on the beach with leisure.

The weather was not the same, the atmosphere was shifting in a way that Roz and Lil could feel it.

Neither of them dared to speak it out loud.

 

“Remember the days?”

Roz turned around and looked at Lil, but not startled by the words as if she was already expecting Lil to say something.

And she smiled.

Lil suddenly got the strange feeling in her stomach again.

Not only once did she realize that Roz was beautiful; when they were teenagers, the flutter happened too frequently that Lil had begun to wonder what it was like to kiss a girl.

 

Specifically, how it would feel to kiss Roz.

 

“You’ve got that look in your eyes again.”

Lil snapped out of her reveries. She didn’t even know she was smiling back to Roz.

“What?”

She tucked a strand of hair behind her own ear, aware of Roz’s intense stare that was somehow very familiar.

“You only do that when you’re shy.’’

Roz muttered under her breath but Lil heard it distinctively.

 

She sat up and maneuvered over beside Roz, got comfortable and lay on her lap.

Her thighs were cool despite the sunbath, and Lil pressed her overheated cheek against her lap.

“Do you miss it?”

It took Lil a while to comprehend that Roz was asking the question coming from her.

“They were so far away. But some are just like yesterday.”

“For example?”

Roz started to twirl a strand of Lil’s hair, and she chuckled.

“The time that I reminded you that we had shared a kiss when we were……what, seventeen?”

Roz froze, and she giggled too.

“Well you wouldn’t call it a ‘shared kiss’ because it seemed like I needed someone to practice—“

“And I was there? C’mon, that was the lamest excuse.”

“Then what was your excuse for kissing back?”

Roz regretted once she said those words, but luckily Lil didn’t seem to mind.

“You took advantage of me, and I’d have to kiss you back to be fair! And honestly, we suck at it that time.”

They started to laugh hysterically, and Roz hadn’t been so happy for a long time.

***

“Are you happy?”

Lil traced her finger along the rim of the wine glass.

She couldn’t raise her head, for she was afraid of what she would see in Roz’s eyes.

 

“Yeah, I think so.”

She finished the drink in swift motion, mustering up the courage to meet Roz’s stare.

“And you?”

The alcohol kicked in a bit too strong and Lil was suddenly dizzy.

Dizzy with want that she couldn’t tell nor satisfy.

Roz moved closer, put down her glass and looked into Lil’s eyes.

 

Things had gradually changed along the years, but something else was always there.

For instance, the way Roz smell was always soft and floral, sunny and comforting.

For instance, the adoration that had hidden behind Lil’s eyes for so long that she was afraid to show it.

For instance, the friendship had always meant something more and perhaps something everlasting.

Oh, they didn’t know. They were both afraid to cross the final line, so they seek other flames and tried to get burned.

Because they knew it they were hurt, they would always have each other.

 

They kept torturing themselves for things they couldn’t have, and kept telling themselves that things would get better if they never gave in.

So they got empty-handed, back from the start.

 

“I didn’t kiss you to get back at to you.”

Lil didn’t wait for Roz’s answer; her eyes had spoken for her with melancholy and sadness.

“So why?”

Roz murmured. Lil could feel her breath ghosting on her lips.

They were closer than usual, closer than before, closer than friends, more than friends.

Lil didn’t tell her anything.

She tilted her head towards a perfect angle and kissed Roz.

It was unhurried. Her lips tasted like salt and honey with breeze and sunshine.

Lil’s lips were soft, so tender and smooth that Roz thought they were melting together.

 

“And that was your answer?”

Lil smiled with a glint in her eyes.

**Author's Note:**

> What do you think?  
> Honestly, I think this film is underrated for a reason: it's not realistic enough, and most people were interested simply because of the plot(hint:older women and younger men?).  
> But I still like this movie anyway:)  
> Thanks for reading!


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